I don’t know where to begin.
I just finished my second to last weekend of teacher training. After a weekend full of anatomy (there’s so much anatomy to learn and to become familiar with!!), restorative yoga practice, and yoga philosophy, I got to close out our session on Sunday afternoon by leading my fellow trainees through an hour-long vinyasa flow class. It was my teaching final and I was the first one to go.
I didn’t necessarily want to go first but I was late in requesting my slot for the teaching final. I had a choice of going first or last. I figured that I might as well go first and get it over with. Or at the very least, I would earn some pity points for going first, right?
I put together a sequence that I believed in and felt comfortable with. It wasn’t a super complicated series of poses but it incorporated some interesting (to me) threads as I moved the class through various twisting postures. It felt like we all needed a little wringing out.
I felt confident and solid.
When I walked into the studio on Friday evening, that confidence fled out the door and the latent anxiety swarming in my body made a beeline for my stomach and tangled together into a huge knot. I started to doubt myself during the past week – afraid that my class wasn’t complicated or creative enough or that I didn’t talk enough about philosophy. I was afraid I was going to forget my whole class.
But over the weekend, I realized that I needed to be true to me, that I wasn’t ready to speak to the philosophical teachings in an articulate way just yet. I needed to speak from my experience.
My mentor Kevin also said something that stuck with me. He asked us to think about putting our expectations and fears aside and to be in the moment when we are teaching. He reminded me that this is a really special moment to be able to lead these women who I have grown with over the past two months and to recognize and acknowledge that.
On Sunday, I had to sit through 6 hours of anatomy class before it was time for me to teach. I couldn’t sit still or concentrate. I kept fidgeting. I kept running through my class in my head.
Finally, it was time to go. I think that I checked my music about 10 times. Everyone settled in on their mat and I started.
Come to lie down on your mat and we are going to set up for supta padagustasana…
The hour went by so fast. It was pretty amazing to lead my friends through class, like choreographing a room full of movement and breath. After class, I received feedback and overall it was positive. Of course there were mistakes, things that I forgot and things that I could have added into the class, but I’m not going to focus on those things because I feel full and grateful and happy.
After we finished up, a few of us stuck around the studio and took class with Kevin. It was a deep, sweaty mostly vinyasa class with elements of qi gong mixed it. It was exactly what I needed – to sweat, to shake it out, to release and to celebrate. There’s a beautiful residue and energetic vibration of the practice still reverberating in my body.
I cannot believe I only have one weekend left. I cannot wait to see my friends rock their teaching finals. It’s incredible to see everything start to come together.
More about my yoga teacher training experience:
- Yoga Teacher Training – Weekend 1
- Yoga Teacher Training – Week Intensive
- Teaching Voice
- A Day in the Life of Compassion
- Yoga Teacher Training – Graduation
- 9 Lessons from Yoga Teacher Training
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