The last time that I surfed was about a year ago. It was my last surf session of the season out at Rockaway. It was a beautiful fall day and a perfect surf session with good people.
After that day, I had no idea that I would be out of the water for so long. Even after the reality of having to have knee surgery earlier this year sunk in, I still expected to be back in the water during our summer vacation in Montauk or at least by the end of the season. But now, the season has come and gone and Rockaway Beach has been forever changed by Hurricane Sandy.
While I felt energized and rejuvenated in my return to running (seriously, that was a huge step for me), there’s a big part of me that’s scared to return to surfing. Like, really scared. There’s a jumble of emotions in the pit of my stomach – a combination of anxiety, doubt, excitement and plain old fear.
There’s a lot about surfing that absolutely scares me like the open water and oh, I don’t know, other things like drowning. Generally, the thrill and bliss of actually catching and riding a wave overrides all of that in an instant. However, now that I’ve had over a year to step back from it all, I’m anxious about returning to surfing. Will I be able to do it? After all, I only started surfing last year and have so much more to learn. Will my knee hold up in the strong ocean currents? Am I being stupid even thinking about surfing again? Will I be re-injured?
I know that it’s good to have healthy fears and expectations but I don’t want them to get in the way and paralyze me, which is what I feel like they are doing to me now. I don’t want my fear of re-injury to affect my recovery and what I believe that I’m capable of. Yet, it almost feels “safer” to just throw in the towel and say goodbye to surfing than work through these fears.
Then again, maybe I’m just over-thinking things and getting into my head too much.
Do you ever feel anxious about returning to a sport or activity after a long lay-off or injury? Do you fear being re-injured?
PS – Don’t forget to enter my Chobani giveaway. It closes tomorrow, November 15th!
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