Learning to Disconnect and Listen

kona

When we decided to travel to Hawaii for a month, I made a conscious decision to try to make it as much of a real vacation as possible. I can’t remember when last time I took a real vacation. As a freelancer, your schedule is flexible and you often work around and through things…like vacations because when you take time off, you aren’t billing or making money.

But I knew that my body, mind and spirit needed to be refreshed. So, I made arrangements, told my clients that I was going to be unavailable until after Labor Day, made peace with my break from blogging and social media (mostly) and got on an airplane.

The first week in Hawaii was blissful and peaceful. I loved being in a new and beautiful place. I loved having no expectations or obligations bearing down on my shoulders. I loved being able to just be with my family and to laugh and smile and enjoy. I loved saying yes to the boys – about 10 times more often than I do at home. I felt like it had been a long time since I really did that or at least really let myself be that unencumbered and free.

My vacation and the slower lifestyle we adopted in Hawaii made me realize some interesting things about myself and what makes me tick. It’s also given me a lot to think about in terms of what I need and want to work on.

cliff jumping
My inner introvert needs nurturing, even on vacation. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with your family is amazing but also exhausting at the same time. After the first week or two, I started to feel myself getting cranky, my temper and patience running short with the boys. I think that my crankiness was due in part to not being able to exercise much thanks to my plantar fasciitis.

At home, we have the buffer of school, after-school activities, friends, and work but on vacation, it was just us together all.the.time. Yes, it was a rare opportunity to really plug into each other and be present but it does take getting used to. There’s an adjustment period. And as an introvert, I was longing to retreat, reset and recalibrate so that I could continue to be present and have fun.

I have no idea how I accomplish anything at home. Seriously, there was no work or school in Hawaii. All we had to do was get up, figure out our plan for the day, go to the pool/beach/surf/hike/snorkel/explore, feed ourselves, bathe ourselves and go to sleep. And that’s pretty much all I was capable of accomplishing most days. I was exhausted by 8pm and in bed mostly nights by 9 or 10pm – about 3-4 hours earlier than I’m in bed normally.

cliff jumping hawaii
I get anxious when I feel like I’m unproductive. I intentionally cleared my to-do list before going on vacation. OK, I did have a short list of things that I wanted to accomplish while on vacation, like read some books, learn how to use my DSLR properly and write but there were no real deadlines.

Somewhere around week two, I started to feel the weight of the lack of productivity bear down on me and the anxiety rising. I felt so restless in my own skin, like a cat trying to claw its way out.

This made me think a lot about what being productive means to me and how to recalibrate that meaning. We weren’t being “productive” and I don’t think that I accomplished anything on my short list. But we were squeezing as much out of each day as possible (see above) and living.

I don’t do well without a to-do list and without being busy. I had hoped that vacation would free up time for me to write and pitch freelance pieces but I found that I was less creative and more sluggish. I couldn’t get myself to write and I felt like all the ideas I came up with were stale. My husband and I talked about how I do too much and commit to too much but I think that there’s a part of me that needs that pressure. Or at least I think that I do.

At the same time, I need to lighten my load. While I do like to be busy, I realized that I had a lot of extra filler in my life. I did feel lighter by eliminating those things during vacation. Maintaining that lightness has been tricky since we’ve returned home but I don’t want to fill my life up only with busy things again.

hanauma bay
I feel ambivalent about blogging and social media. I do. I missed writing regularly and sharing stories with all of you (hence the backlog of Hawaii posts!). I thought about this blog a bit while we were away – what I want to accomplish with it, the types of posts I want to and like writing, my amazing readers who inspire me, and what value I add. I treasure this space for so many reasons but mainly it has helped me to reflect on my experiences and has helped me to learn and grow. But honestly? I don’t know.

While I did read blogs while we were away, I just didn’t comment or only commented when I truly had something to add. That in and of itself made me feel 10 times lighter.

The thing is, life goes on. If I don’t know what someone is doing 5 seconds after they do it by seeing their Instagram photo or if I don’t update everyone about everything I do, that’s OK. Remember how we used to keep in touch with family and friends before blogs and social media? By phone, over a cup of coffee or through a letter.

I do think that there is a benefit to lightening our online load. Just imagine the space, clarity and energy that may open up.

waimanalo

Disconnecting forced me to listen more. It forced me to pay attention to what was going on around me, what I was thinking and feeling. I didn’t have my social media feeds to distract me from paying attention to those thoughts and feelings. I had to sit with them, even the uncomfortable ones, and provided some clarity on areas that I want to continue to work on – that I need to work on. By disconnecting, we can get better at listening.

I didn’t mean for this post to be a downer or so long (sorry!). I did come home feeling refreshed and I’m thankful that my family had this time together. I’m thankful for the lessons, even if some were tough to digest. But that’s how we grow, right?

Read more about our trip to Hawaii:

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Comments

  1. says

    I know from being on vacation that initial feeling – so energetic and happy to be spending time with family, away from home, no to-do lists. Then after the first week, the crankiness and wanted space creep in. I think it’s natural. We like schedules and to-do lists. It keeps our minds occupied. It’s just when we get over scheduled that life starts to go at warp speed and you can’t get off the train.

    And I totally get the blogging thing. When you don’t “have to” comment, respond, promote your post – it takes on a whole different realm.
    Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted..A Day in the LifeMy Profile

    • says

      I’d like to figure out how to stop the train from going to warp speed without permission. It’s nuts sometimes. And the blogging thing feels like a total catch-22 sometimes. I do love it and I love the interaction both here and on others’ blogs but I also don’t want it to feel like a chore.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Sunrise Surf, Yoga Sutras and MantrasMy Profile

  2. says

    I can relate to so many of the things you mention here. Disconnecting is great…for a while. Even though you say you’re an introvert, you share so many beautiful and insightful things and are truly appreciated for how open you are on this blog. That month-long vacation gave you a lot of space. Maybe you’re just feeling the weight of it now that you’re back and connected? Give yourself time to let things settle and you’ll know what it is you want. You give so much and this reader definitely appreciates it!
    Allie recently posted..Random Acts of Funny – Toddler StyleMy Profile

    • says

      Thank you Allie for your kind words. I think that it’s a lot easier for me to be open and express myself here than in person for sure (ha! ask my husband). I think that it is partially feeling the weight of it all since returning home and the rush rush of back-to-school and work and everything. I’m hoping that things settle and I think that it also means that I need to change somethings so it doesn’t feel so weighty. xo
      Christine Yu recently posted..Sunrise Surf, Yoga Sutras and MantrasMy Profile

  3. says

    I don’t think this post is a downer! It’s an honest reflection & full of lessons & learnings we can all use. 24/7 with your family for a month? Super woman! Nuff said! And I completely agree about lightening our digital load. I love blogging but when I think about the time I’m spending, I wonder if I should use that time in more meaningful ways. Like sitting with my girls in the a.m. instead of going thru my blog feed. It’s fine line between blogging as an outlet & connecting with others and letting it take away from real life.
    Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama recently posted..Race Recap: Bays Mountain 15-MilerMy Profile

  4. says

    i had an anxiety issue in New Zealand the first 2 weeks. I didn’t know what to do. I felt lazy but i was far from it. I adjusted, and thank goodness i did because i would have wasted another 3 months. But i get it, wanting for feel a little pressure is good, too much… bad.
    And what you said, the phone calls and the coffee dates, yes—-> WE forget to CONNECT there. I am working on it! Which makes me want to escape back to NZ. and If racing or healthy bites don’t work out, we just might. I’d be ready for either. Thanks for sharing. Loved seeing the pictures of peacefulness.
    lindsay recently posted..Race Week: living on chances.. and proteinMy Profile

    • says

      Yes. I miss the connecting sometimes. And the balance between good pressure and bad pressure feels like it’s so elusive sometimes or at least it gets out of whack pretty quickly. Let’s all move to NZ! I think that’s the answer, yes?
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  5. says

    Amazing pictures! I think we have a lot in common! I struggle with taking time off myself and actually think that this would be the way to do it because I would certainly need the time to soak it all in. I definitely get anxiety when I’m not feeling productive so I can totally relate! Thank you for sharing your experience. Super insightful!

  6. says

    Did I write this? ! Wish I had because it’s so spot on and something I can 100% identify with. Especially feeling anxious when I’m not busy enough and being ambivalent about social media. These days I’m more of a watcher of what’s happening and not necessarily a participator. I always tell people that even though I may not comment, I’m still reading!
    Heidi @BananaBuzzbomb recently posted..I Love Running In PHXMy Profile

    • says

      I think that I need to be more of a watcher on social media for a while but then I get sucked back in. Catch 22 for me but I do think that it’s the social media part that weighs me down the most lately. Trying to find a good balance is tough!
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  7. says

    What a great opportunity to see where and who you are right now! I think it’s great that you paid attention and “took notes” on what’s working/what’s not for you. I can so relate to the need for the quiet downtime, sans anyone else. I have just realized this year that I need that in my life. I can easily imagine how being on vacation that long, while wonderful, would leave me craving that quiet time, too.

    And I will admit that while I was unplugged for a week in August, I didn’t miss blogging and all the frenzy that goes with it, either. It’s odd–I don’t want to quit right now but I can definitely live w/o it, too. Let it ride a while and see where you want to go.

    Thanks for sharing this unique opportunity with us!
    misszippy recently posted..A day in the lifeMy Profile

  8. says

    I do miss connecting with friends over the phone or face-to-face with coffee. Now everyone is so busy that social media is keeping us semi connected…but I crave the hugs or their voices! I think the key in lightening your load that you perfectly said was that we need to be mindful that we don’t begin to fill those holes again. I go through periods of my life where I come to the other side and think “I have no idea how I just got through this and I am so thankful now that I have more time”…then proceed to fill that time with something new. I need to remember that those holes are gifts and do not need to be filled!
    Fancy Nancy recently posted..A Day in the LifeMy Profile

    • says

      I think that it’s the semi-connected thing that gets me the most – you kind of feel like you know what’s going on because of the status updates and all but it’s not what’s really going on. And I love how you put it – those holes are gifts! I need to remember that.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  9. says

    ahh you know I can relate to lots of this (um except the anxious when unproductive :-) I GET SOO ANXIOUS when I dont have a book beside me to read but thats it).
    and more than anything I love your willingness to be honest and not say RAH RAH I MISSED TWITTER!!!!!! and simply share the fact you do not know.
    I do not know either.
    Miz recently posted..Deconveniencing our lives.My Profile

    • says

      It’s really hard to sit with the uncomfortableness. I’m trying to get better but man, there were a few days that were ROUGH. I swear that I was getting so antsy and I couldn’t put my finger on what was bothering me. But I do think that month in Hawaii is good for everyone, yes?
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  10. says

    Christine, I love the honesty that you always include in your posts!!! I try to do periodic checks with myself to see if I’m really enjoying the time I spend with blogging (yes) or if I feel like it’s just a chore and something to be checked off. I think that when it becomes a chore it will be time to back off (at least for awhile). I hope that you are able to keep some of the peace (and maybe even extra sleep time) that you found on vacation now that you are home!!
    Kim recently posted..Spreading SunshineMy Profile

  11. says

    What a great post! I can identify with a lot of the things you say! I took a short break at the beginning of August from blogging and commenting on other people’s blogs. I felt like my load was 10 times lighter. Of course I was not working either so that may have something to do with it. I really love blogging and reading other blogs but sometimes it can be overwhelming and you just need to disconnect, like you said. I’m glad you had this time for yourself.
    FitBritt@MyOwnBalance recently posted..Top Eight Items You Need to Commute on the NYC SubwayMy Profile

  12. says

    Great post! I am the same way and feel like I overcommit a lot of the time so I get stressed out… but when I don’t, I get bored and sleepy. I do miss the “old fashioned” ways that we used to talk with people, I feel like our conversations are so muddled with insignificant things thanks to social media that we often forget about the most important aspects…
    Lora @ Crazy Running Girl recently posted..The candy corn goalMy Profile

  13. says

    Not a downer! Just made me think. About growth and that balance between the two extremes you described – busy, connected, busy vs. free-for-all. I would have been anxious without my long list of work to do. It’s a bit of my buffer. I used to love the idea of a camera full of photos, because that meant that when everyone was resting, and my mind WASN’T resting, I’d have something to immerse my mind with.
    And you know what happened? Now I took on clients and I’m so backed up that I have thousands of photos I still need to get to. So different from my times of being happy with just 20. Ack! Anyway, I get a lot of what you said even if I took my own tangent to tell you that.
    Tamara recently posted..Test Shots.My Profile

  14. says

    You know that we’re in each other’s heads lately. I didn’t post at all on my blog for several months because I just felt overwhelmed. I almost felt guilty because of the lack of activity, but in the end, I think I needed it. It’s good to have you back, but I understand the need for a break, too.
    Michelle recently posted..Use What You’ve GotMy Profile

  15. says

    YES. THIS. I have the same anxiety not being “productive”. It has been something I have struggled with staying at home with Jake. It comes and goes, but it can be awful. And the blogging detachment – I come and go with that. After every big blog thing (conference, online tutorial, etc.), I tend to just not write at all. For a month. It’s just too much sometimes. It’s energy and time away from other things…and for what? Great post. Gave me some things to think about…
    Amy @ Mommy Rodeo recently posted..New outlook on runningMy Profile

  16. says

    Great post. I don’t know where to start — so much to think about. I only went away for three days, and I only left my laptop off — not my iPhone — but that little bit of unplugging was refreshing.
    Coco recently posted..A Day In The LifeMy Profile

  17. says

    Loved the post… I didnt read it as a downer, but more of a look at what goes through your brain. It was actually like reading down what goes through my mind during a long run. How your brain just does this check list of all the things you do (or dont), what you want to accomplish, looking back at what you forgot to do.

    I’m a schedule person, I can’t just relax and be what-ever about stuff… even on vacation. I don’t need every hour broken down, just a general template for the day. Breakfast, beach, lunch, nap, shopping, dinner. That way I know how the day will be. Glad you were able to step away… or swim away, I guess.
    Pavement Runner recently posted..Running next to @RunEMZMy Profile

  18. says

    You just articulated so many things that have been going through my mind. The two weeks I took off after we moved were so good for me – and I don’t see myself going back to blogging or social media with the same momentum that I had before the move for a long long time. I think the disconnect is necessary for all of us from time to time and I feel especially for me right now. I love my blog and I love your blog and the blog of everyone in my blogging community, but nothing beats real life. Nothing.

    And I know that I can always count on you for a cup of coffee when I’m back in town.
    ilene recently posted..TangledMy Profile

    • says

      I’m glad that you’ve had the time off too and yes, disconnecting is important. I still haven’t quite figured out what level of effort and momentum I want to take this up again. I don’t know. I’m not ready to give it up and but I don’t want to give my life over to it either.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  19. says

    LOVE!!!!!!! Not only the pics but the thoughts in this post. I get it & I think many of us were nodding our heads yes thru it all! I am having so many conflicting thoughts about social media that I am really unsure what I will do. Thank you for this post!!!

    comment luv issues again. :)

    Free Designer Whey for a Year GIVEAWAY! 20 Year Anniversary! http://truth2beingfit.com/2013/09/17/free-designer-whey-for-a-year-giveaway-20-year-anniversary.aspx

  20. says

    Yes. All of this, but I especially relate to needing to feel productive, and the pressure that being involved in social media brings. You have always amazed me with your ability to seemingly “do it all”, and I LOVE that you were stepping back and only commenting when you have something to say. The obligation that comes with all of this can be overwhelming, and just an fyi. I will still love you, comments or no comments. Just stay in my life and we’re good. ;)
    Ari @ Ari’s Menu recently posted..Cornbread Waffle Tacos {gluten-free}My Profile

  21. says

    This makes so much sense, and I can see/hear myself in so much of what you wrote. I definitely love my to-do list and get antsy when I’m not “productive” and need a little pressure to do good work. I also know I really need to slow down, and I’ve cut way back on my blog commenting and use of social media lately… it’s been amazing.
    Laura @ Mommy Run Fast recently posted..A day in the LifeMy Profile

  22. says

    Love your honesty. I think vacations are the perfect time to really listen to your heart. To listen to what your heart is telling you to focus on, where to put your priorities. Sometimes we need to unplug, sometimes we need to step it up, sometimes we need to shake it up. We just need to be constantly realigning our compass to where we want to go.
    Leah recently posted..Schooling ReggieMy Profile

    • says

      “We just need to be constantly realigning our compass to where we want to go.” < -- Absolutely Leah. And I think that the unplugging is necessary to really be able to tune into that compass and to be able to judge and navigate.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  23. says

    I really relate to this, Christine! While I didn’t disconnect completely, I did slow down during a vacation a few weeks ago. It was so different, not being connected all the time. Then with the start of school, I have had to adjust again. So now I am kind of finding my way to a new routine. And while I am not sure what it will look like, I want think about where the disconnected me fits into it, too.
    Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..New HeightsMy Profile

    • says

      We went right from Hawaii straight into the craziness of back-to-school and it was a hard adjustment and I think why all the lessons became so much more apparent. We’re definitely still trying to find our way with our new routine. I hope that we’re both able to keep the disconnected “me” as part of our new normal.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  24. says

    I can completely relate! I feel anxious and the need to fill the space, but oftentimes the greatest moments in my life are when I relax into that space and allow an intimate connection, or if I am alone, to clear my mind.. some of the most creative ideas have come to me when I did not fill the space with busy work. Modern life is so full of distractions and “to do’s” it is so easy to get caught up in it all. I think it’s amazing that you were able and willing to take a full month to disconnect, it sounds like t was a time in your life that you will never forget. xoxo
    Lisa @ RunWiki recently posted..4 Easy Ways to Clear Mind ClutterMy Profile

    • says

      I’m trying hard to learn to relax into those spaces because I think that you’re so right that that’s when the creative ideas come and the learnings come. We did have a great time. i want to go back!

  25. says

    So good to do this. I definitely find that I need a good break at least once a year if not more. When I am simply too busy I don’t comment as often on other’s blogs but then I feel guilty or nervous that people will start to ignore my blog. So silly! It feels good to not read/comment out of obligation but when the time truly allows. Same with responding to comments.
    I think times like the Holidays, summer break or whenever you need it, it is important to take a break and focus on other things. It does feel amazing to free up time.
    Melanie @ Nutritious Eats recently posted..Chicken Sausage, Pepper & Onion Pasta {Gluten Free}My Profile

    • says

      I so know what you mean about the guilt about reading and commenting on blogs and then feeling nervous that people will ignore your blog! I totally get that and have been feeling it lately. It is silly and I’ve been trying to remind myself of why I blog and why it’s important to me and trying hard not to get caught up in the other stuff.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Looking forwardMy Profile

  26. says

    Having just come back from a vacation where it was 24/7 with my family, I understand where you’re coming from. I LOVED being with them, with no schedules or to-do lists. But at the end of each day, I was grateful when they went to bed, and I had a couple of hours just to decompress from all the fun, and just sit and watch mindless TV or read a couple of blogs.

    We’ve been home for 4 days, and I still find myself feeling slightly sluggish, though am slowly shaking it off, getting back into the groove. And it sounds like you are too!
    Alison recently posted..Coffee BuddyMy Profile

  27. says

    I LOVE this. ALL of it. And amen to disconnecting & being just fine with it. I am too….hence why I love doing it & then coming back & seeing I hardly ‘missed’ anything. I love to blog & love the people I connect with, but I think there can often be an imbalance in it b/c it is NEVER ending.

    great thoughts!!!

    • says

      Thanks Annette. I’m glad that it seems like so many people could relate to this post. It IS good and healthy to step back sometimes and yes, I too love coming and realizing that I didn’t really miss anything at all :-)

  28. says

    Great post!!!! I see alot of me in the person you described! I am constantly doing things on my to do list or thinking of things to add to my to do list! I am always feeling like there are not enough hours in the day!
    I am good about taking a vacation though. Every year we take two weeks…and while we don’t completely unplug, we cut WAY back! I also let tons go on vacation that I don’t at home like dishes and laundry ect. The first week of vacation is wonderful and then towards the end of the second week I find myself almost wanting to get back on schedule :)!
    I have been working really hard about not being so schedule oriented that I miss out on what life is about! I know when I am older I will never say I wish I mhad more of a schedule, but I will wish I had enjoyed and spent time with my family :)!
    Jen @ milesandblessings recently posted..Be careful what you wish for!My Profile

    • says

      I love that last line Jen – that when we’re older we will never say we wish we had more of a schedule, but we will wish we had enjoyed and spent time with my family . So true and that’s really helpful way to keep things in perspective.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Spaces in betweenMy Profile

  29. says

    I took a sort of unintentional break this summer and learned a few of the same things. I’m an introvert too and I’m finally learning how to manage that – to make sure I get my own time and to be aware when I’ve got a lot of social time planned. And the blogging ambivalence – I get that too.
    Tricia recently posted..Art: it’s about the processMy Profile

    • says

      It’s hard to plan my alone time while on vacation. I feel guilty about it. I mean, we’re on vacation so we’re supposed to be spending time together, right? But I guess in the end it’s better for everyone involved if I get some time by myself :-)
      Christine Yu recently posted..Spaces in betweenMy Profile

  30. says

    “I get anxious when I feel like I’m unproductive.” -YES! I didn’t find the words for how I felt sometimes this summer as I unplugged and took time away from my usual work routine, but you have identified them for me. As much as I like taking a break from work, I love the feeling I get after working hard on something that’s important to me. I think it’s just a part of my personality to want to work towards something and if I have to take too many breaks from this instinct I feel a disconnect with myself sometimes, like it sounds like you experienced at times too. I’m glad you had this time with your family and I appreciate your honesty about your feelings, as always.
    Devon recently posted..Let it Fall Where It MayMy Profile

    • says

      Thank you Devon. You know, I have to admit that when I read your words this summer about your experience unplugging, I felt some comfort because I could identify with your feelings. I very much like working towards something and feeling like I accomplished something and I’m trying to learn to relish the journey and process as much as the end result.
      Christine Yu recently posted..Spaces in betweenMy Profile

  31. Pau says

    Hi everyone,

    Thanks Christine for sharing your thoughts in this blog. After having a similiar behavior for years when I was younger I stopped and analyzed why I was doing this. Then I changed.

    Christine, have you asked yourself these questions? Why is all this happening? Why can’t you fully disconnect? Why you need to be busy? Why do you spend time sharing your thoughs online and reading comments from people you don’t know?

    Why would you rather “be busy” and have “to do lists” even on vacations, than enjoying talking to your significant other, playing with your kids, chattig with your friends, cooking, or simply reading a book? Do you feel you are “wasting your time”?

    Only you know the answers, but here are some that come to my mind in these cases:

    – We received an education that links “being busy” to “being successful” or, the opposite, that just enjoying or doing what you really feel like is “a sin” if it’s “not productive”. This has to do a lot with religion, by the way.

    – We are job-driven and consider people as “resources”. We even plan how and when to spend our time with our significant others or our families, according to our calendar, destroying all spontaneity.

    – We are constantly trying to impress others.

    With all my respects and if this attitude towards “being busy” is extended, no wonder why there are so many people lacking love in the world and having so many mental health issues. In the end, it’s all a matter of priorities. Who is most important to you and why? How and with whom do you spend your time? Why and with whom do you do yoga, jog, surf?

    Partners and especially kids are not blind to how and with whom their family members spend time with and all the activities they do.

    Who are busy people doing a lot of stuff all the time and blogging about their incapacity to relax on holidays and the need to go back to the routine trying to impress, exactly?

    Maybe they can impress anonymous people out there, but have you ever asked the people closer to you and who love you more what they think about it?

    Especially coming from a yoga teacher, it is a bit paradoxical to teach about relaxation, connection, and love to others, when at the same time you are saying you cannot relax on vacations, you need to be busy constantly, and you seem to be quite busy to spend plenty of time with your closest and more beloved ones?

    Please don’t take this comments as personal. I spent my time writing this here because I have seen it is a growing trend that makes absolutely no sense.

    Best

    • Pau says

      This part is particularly revealing/worrying:

      “I don’t do well without a to-do list and without being busy (…) My husband and I talked about how I do too much and commit to too much but I think that there’s a part of me that needs that pressure. Or at least I think that I do.”

      I really hope I am mistaken, but from these words it is very easy to deduce:

      (a) I am not really the owner of my own time and thoughts, and I don’t do well when I have nothing to do (but just stay with myself);

      (b) I listen but don’t really care about what my husband thinks (but I possibly care a lot about my blog comments);

      (c) I am quite insecure and follow the mainstream trends and what society now expects from a “modern woman”.

      Again, this is particularly worrying for someone that teaches yoga.

      I would really like that you and your husband read my comments together and that he is free to express what his real thoughts are. Thoughts that, by the way, should not be shared with anonymous people on a blog but only kept to both of you.

      Note that I hate mentioning third parties, especially from the family, but I took the permission to do it, as it was you who mentioned him and shared with us his thoughts in the first place.

      My sincere regards to him, and to you, of course.

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