Snowy Morning Run and Still Believing

Winter Brooklyn

Do you ever feel like there are so many thoughts and lists of things to do and partial stories all zooming around in your head like arrows flying in multiple directions? And you try to catch them, or at least grab hold of one of those arrows or strands of thought, because you feel like if you do, at least you will have one thing to help steady you and give you direction? Or at least you can check off one thing on your to-do list?

That’s kind of what my brain has been like lately. Yes, it’s partially because of the holidays and the impending arrival of my family (so much to do!!) but I think it’s also because I’ve been letting some self-doubt creep in and play a number on my self-confidence.

There’s a lot of uncertainty about the year ahead. While that uncertainty is coupled with excitement, it’s uncertainty nonetheless. It’s a little unnerving because I don’t have a plan and I’m someone who needs a plan. At this point, I’d settle for an outline.

snowy wheel pose

I wasn’t going to pass up a chance to do some snowga. I swear, this little pup flipped my whole attitude and left me smiling and laughing.

Saturday morning I woke up to snow drifting down from the sky. I didn’t want to wake up and I pretended not to hear the kids playing next door or my husband making breakfast in the kitchen. I finally got out of bed. I hemmed and hawed about working out. Yoga or run or stay inside the warm house? But I couldn’t pass up the chance to run in the first real snowfall we’ve had this year. Plus, I was hoping that it would bring some order and clarity to my thoughts.

Within half a block, I wanted to turn back. I wish I had worn a neck gaiter and sunglasses. Damn snow was blowing into my eyes and my neck was cold. I was afraid I was going to slip. I entered into the park and it was quiet. I turned around a curve in the park and Gym Class Heroes’ song Fighter came on through my headphones.

There’s a part of me that just wants things to be easy. Give me a step-by-step guide. Tell me what I should do. Give me all the time and resources I need. No struggle. No obstacles. Just a zip line to where I want to be. Deep down I know that that’s not the point – that the learning comes during the journey and through the struggle, that I need to breathe into the discomfort, and that the scars are a reminder of my strength.

I’m glad I went for that run. It started to clear my mind and set my head straight. It reminded me that I am a fighter and that I want to choose joy in my life and in the moment rather than let the self-doubt take over.It reminded me that somehow, a way forward will emerge.

It also reminded me that I have to believe in myself in order to move my dreams forward. Just believing in the dream isn’t enough, right Lindsay?

choose joy

My to-do list still is super long and my thoughts are still all over the place, but we’ll just take one thing at a time right?

P.S. I think that this post makes sense. Does it make sense? I hope so. I apologize for my rambling but you’re welcome for a peak inside my brain. haha.

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Comments

  1. says

    This makes total sense to me. My brain thinks the same way! Ive been feeling out of control lately – thoughts all over, everything up in the air. I’m trying hard to believe in myself, abilities, the universe more but it’s definitely a work in progress. Thank God for running! Now I just need to be able to run more than a mile so I can really sort through things!
    Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted..One Marvelous MileMy Profile

  2. says

    Yes, this makes (perfect) sense, and yes, I’ve been there. The holidays have really thrown me off this year. I’m trying to roll with it, be present, seize the moments, and remember that everything will get back on track come January.
    Shana Norris recently posted..Holiday Holding PatternMy Profile

  3. says

    This makes perfect sense! Your opening line about the arrows zooming in different directions is spot-on. But there’s just something about a peaceful, quiet winter run that helps put things back into perspective. It may take a few minutes for the mind & body to warm up, but once they do, it’s pure bliss. And the silly little dog? Maybe an angel in disguise!
    Nicole @ Work in Sweats Mama recently posted..My Christmas To-Do ListMy Profile

  4. says

    I can definitely relate to the “holiday brain” syndrome. Even any time the list is long, it really is hard to figure out where to start tackling it. But things like running and yoga (both in the snow–love it!) definitely bring some clarity, I think, so I’m glad you have them both to turn to right now. You’ll get where you want to be, it’s just a matter of setting the path.
    misszippy recently posted..Five things to try in 2014My Profile

  5. says

    Yep, totally makes sense to me! I’d be happy for an outline as well. And I’m very much the same. I kind of feel lazy. I know that sounds insane, but I really am rather lazy. I too want things to be easy, but they just never are. I have a knack for making them harder too haha.

  6. says

    Yes, this post makes perfect sense. The best antidote I can think of is to have pizza with Ilene and me. For one, we’ll get great pizza. For another I feel like the three of us are at the cusps of great change with things we have worked towards. A corner turned, perhaps? A very large corner!
    Anyway, I get it as much as I can relate it to my own situation. 2014 has the great makings of a year of leaping.
    Tamara recently posted..18 Things For 18 Months.My Profile

  7. says

    This make lots of sense – I think running is often one of the best ways to ponder things because you are forced to do something with your mind!!!
    I totally understand the struggle – this past year included a couple of major changes and I’m still trying to get a handle on things – this time of year the business tends to overwhelm and make things even harder. I didn’t get to run this weekend but I had a forced weekend of rest which was almost as helpful for putting things into perspective.
    Kim recently posted..Does Simple Count?My Profile

  8. says

    It makes total and utter sense. There are days lately that I could have written it. I have made so many choices lately and I feel unsure about a few of them – but it’s always better to make a choice than none at all – and once we decide – to go forward with certainty. :) You will know the path my friend. You already do. xo
    Ilene recently posted..A Million Little ThingsMy Profile

  9. says

    I love your pictures! That looks like a great place to snowshoe! I’m not a huge fan of running in the snow, but I love to snowshoe. I think that is what I will be doing tomorrow, since it snowed all day today! I need to sit down and work out a plan for next year too so I get what you are saying!
    Michelle recently posted..Sports Mom Holiday Gift GuideMy Profile

  10. says

    I <3 "snowga" Did you just coin that term? It's making me smile, from deep down in the tropics. :)

    I'm an obsessive list maker myself, and when things feel out of control, it usually means I need to take an hour to organize my lists. Even if there are some things that are hard to organize (Business Plans is often one that requires more deep thought and introspection), I usually find that getting some of the low-hanging-fruit (pick up dry cleaning, dust living room, buy husband's Christmas present) on paper leaves my brain feeling clearer and cleaner. And although I sometimes think "I don't have TIME to make a list!", it usually turns out that what I didn't have is time NOT to make a list. [If that makes sense?]

    Good luck listing, crossing-off, and conquering the top priorities on your To-Do Lists. :)
    Holly @ Run With Holly recently posted..“Welcome to Les Mills RPM. My name is Holly, and I’ll be guiding you through your workout today!”My Profile

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