I wore just a bra for all of the New York City metro area to see.
OK, maybe not exactly in person but a photograph of me wearing a decorated bra appeared in the New York Daily News over the weekend. (<< click the link for the picture although I’m not really sure that I want you to see it.)
I’m participating in the inaugural MoonWalk NYC this coming Saturday. It’s an overnight power walk through Manhattan and participants do it wearing decorated bras. The Daily News wanted to do a story about the event and profile some local people who were participating. After speaking with the reporter, she asked if she could send a photographer over to take a few pictures of me and my husband (who’s walking with me) and I said sure.
I assumed that she just wanted a couple of nice photos of the two of us holding up my decorated bra. I didn’t really think that I would actually have to wear the bra. I mean, wearing it on the night of the event IN THE DARK is one thing. Wearing it for a photo that would appear in a major local news outlet? Something entirely different.
Somehow, my husband encouraged and convinced me to do it.
Knowing that the photographer felt my anxiety and self-consciousness, I figured that she would be nice and just shoot me from the bust up, maybe showing a little bit of my bare stomach but not much. I mean, it’s not like I “prepared” for this i.e. I didn’t stop eating crap or work out more intensely.
Well friends, it’s a full body shot. Had I known that was the case, I would have at least put on shoes and not be standing barefoot on my balcony. Maybe I would have stood a little less awkwardly. Maybe I wouldn’t have worn neon orange shorts either but I think that the least of my worries. At least I’m wearing a cardigan.
When I first saw the picture, all those familiar feelings of body hate started to bubble up. I immediately began to criticize the photo, my body, me.
As much as I think that I’m more secure in my body and that I appreciate my body for all that it can do, it’s these moments when the feelings surface so acutely that give me greater clarity on how I really feel. When those feelings bubble up – whether self-criticism, frustrating, fear, anger or joy – I know that I need to pay attention to them and what they are telling me.
I still have mixed feelings about the photo and baring my belly publicly. It’s taken me the better part of a day to feel OK with how the picture turned out. I was going to write something about what I learned through this experience (aside from the fact that I need to practice more self-compassion) but what can I say. This is still very much a work in progress for me in terms of feeling comfortable and confident with my body.
P.S. I don’t and didn’t intend this post to be about call for compliments or anything like that. I was honestly surprised by my reaction and wanted to reflect on it a little. I wasn’t planning on writing this post.
P.P.S. I received a complimentary entry for the MoonWalk NYC and asked to spread the news about the event and to share my experience at the event. While this post is not technically sponsored, it part of my experience. I’m not sure that Walk the Walk America was necessarily expecting a self-reflective post about me in my bra
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