Am I a hypocrite?

Nosara Costa Rica

I have a confession to make. Sometimes I think that I’m a hypocrite.

Here on this blog, I talk about treasuring the small things in life, trying to be mindful, trying to be grateful, trying to live my life with intention. But the thing is, I don’t always do that. Actually, I haven’t done any of those things in the past week or so.

I’ve been stuck in a yucky funk and I can’t get out.

Last year, I worked really hard on acceptance – on not getting caught up and bogged down by the things that happened in my life, things that I had no control over and could not change. Dwelling on those moments felt like wasted energy and I wanted to focus on productive actions, the things that would make me happier and healthier. Instead of dwelling, I learned from those experiences and moved forward. Yes, I would have moments of being stuck but I would pull myself out of those funks.

That was a big step for me. In the past, I would get stuck FOREVER in one place – thinking, contemplating, overthinking.

“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

This month, I’ve been observing and participating in Humble Beginning Yoga’s Instagram challenge. While Nichole has dedicated a pose for each day of the month, this challenge is different in that there is a specific intention /theme and anatomical focus for the week. Last week’s theme was releasing negative emotions with a focus on the hips and pelvis.

We tend to store our stress, fears and negative emotions in our hips and pelvis. That’s why hip opening poses can often stir up a lot of emotion for people. That’s why we can be super tight in these areas and why it feels so so good to release. Hip openers are some of my favorite poses.

Yet, as I practiced last week, I did notice a lot of negative energy and thoughts bubble up. They were particularly palpable as I attempted 8 Angle Pose or Astavakrasana.

- can’t do it
- can’t do arm balances
- not strong enough
- my leg hurts
- gonna pull my hamstring again
- I give up
- I give up
- I give up

That was the chorus of thoughts singing in my head.

Rather than mindlessly singing along with the tune, I stopped – I physically stopped to shake those words out of my head. Then, I took note of my fear and said, “Screw it. It doesn’t matter as long as you are trying to do this for the right reason and not just because you want to muscle into the pose and snap a picture to post on Instagram. Why are you doing this?”

The final outcome didn’t matter (it wasn’t pretty) and I tried my best to release those thoughts.

And I realized that’s what I needed more of - Release.

I entered into this new year really excited. I have plans and dreams – things I want to do and accomplish this year and believe wholeheartedly that I could – no, that I will accomplish. I am focusing on living my life with intention, ensuring that there is purpose behind my actions. I thought that this was the secret and the key to being efficient and productive.

However, while I can focus on making sure that my intentions line up and that my head and heart are in the same place, that still doesn’t get me THERE. I still need to act.

The problem is that my approach to “acting” isn’t working anymore. I’ve been planning and preparing, reading and plotting, so much so that I think I’ve paralyzed myself, which has allowed pesky negative and self-defeating thoughts to enter into my mind.

Maybe I need two words for this year? Intention and Release? I’m ready to let go of those old habits and patterns of thought that are no longer working for me. I’m ready to let go of bad emotions and fear that has been holding me back from moving forward and from pursuing that dream/plan/vision I have in mind.

How do you handle self-defeating thoughts? How do you move yourself to act? What are you ready to release this year?

 

Mama’s Losin’ It


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Comments

    • admin says

      Thanks Debbie. Definitely human and i think that even the act of just writing the post helped me to set my goals, expectations and my head straight.

  1. says

    I am going through something similar, Christine. It seems like I get so amped on January 1st – New year, new start, new things. But then by mid month I feel a little deflated. I like to blame the weather. January is such a blah month that it makes everything seem so much harder, therefore harder to be positive. You’ll come around and so will I. Doing Nichole’s #humbleasana is a good start. I love how she gives the story behind the pose.
    Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted..Roasted Is BestMy Profile

      • admin says

        Yes, we are trying and you’re right Lindsay – that’s what matters. Trying not to sweat the small stuff so much and I think that it was more the frustration of seeing myself slide back into old habits. Thank you for always putting things in perspective.

  2. says

    Oh, those hip openers! The month in YTT that we did hip openers, I cried the entire time – I released SO MUCH! You’re not a hypocrite. You’re going through a process and the process is an ebb and flow – these negative emotions will come, but you are AWARE of them – how many people walk around blind to their own thinking and never have the chance to change?
    ilene recently posted..Three Things That Make A DifferenceMy Profile

    • admin says

      ohmygoodness. I’m going to be a mess during YTT aren’t I?? The process is an ebb and flow and I guess I was just getting frustrating when it wasn’t flowing back in the right direction, you know? Definitely aware of the negative emotions but sometimes there’s also the fear to act to do something about them that I know holds me back. Keep on working on?

  3. says

    There are many times that I feel like a hypocrite! I think we all tend to be great at giving advice and sharing positive energy with those around us but have a hard time listening to what we are saying or projecting. It’s just a natural process! The key is to realize it, deal with it, and move on in the most positive way!

    P.S. I need to try some hip opener exercises!
    Kelly @ Laughter, Strength, and Food recently posted..Project #1: The BouquetMy Profile

    • admin says

      It’s definitely easier for me to give advice than to take my own advice :-)
      Yes! Hip openers are some of my favorites. I can definitely feel it when I’m holding on tightly to stress and negative emotions and then all layers of stress melt away. Ahhhh.

  4. says

    Great post!!! I have let negative thoughts drag me down. Over the years I have been able to improve my negativity but definitely fall back into bad habits when I get stressed or overwhelmed. I think you are on the right track with your plans and will most definitely accomplish everything you want to this year!
    Toni Church recently posted..I Challenge You To A DietBet!!! #FFDietBetMy Profile

    • admin says

      Thanks Toni for your encouraging words. I definitely notice the same – that I fall prey to my negative thoughts when I’m overwhelmed and stressed. I think that writing this post helped me relieve some of that negativity. Now just to slowly make progress!

  5. says

    This reminds me of a post I was reading, totally h
    Unrelated to healthy living. It was on successful small businesses. What was interesting was they said you need to have a plan but those who planned too much failed. The recipe for success was a plan and taking the leap of faith- learning through experience. I guess the same goals you have/ similar goals for living plan and leap of faith are similar to intention and release. :)

    • admin says

      That’s a really great comparison. Taking that leap of faith is scary!! I think that’s partly what I’m hung up on – that it is scary to release myself and my expectations in that way.

  6. says

    It’s always easier to say than do, but what’s important is that you are aware of it and can bring yourself back in to alignment so quickly….it took only a couple weeks for you to want that feeling back rather than how most people unconsciously go through life not even realizing they are so out of touch with what matters :)
    Amanda @RunToTheFinish recently posted..Kale and Butternut Squash SoupMy Profile

    • admin says

      After I wrote this I did realize that it had only been a couple of weeks since the New Year. I guess those weeks must have dragged because it felt like a much longer time!! It has been a huge shift for me to be so much more aware of when things are askew.

  7. says

    I think–you are hard on yourself! I see the effort in what you are doing and to me, that’s 99% of it. Do you overanalyze? It sounds like maybe, but I don’t see that as making you a hypocrite. Sometimes you can’t fight nature completely, which is where I think acceptance comes back into the picture. All I know is that you work hard on self improvement all the time, and that is really, really impressive (and more than I can say for myself), so cut yourself a bit of slack!
    misszippy recently posted..The shoe store model is brokenMy Profile

    • admin says

      I know that I can be hard on myself or that my expectations can be really high sometimes. It’s hard to step back and see that I am working hard at self-improvement so thank you for your kind words. You’re right. It is a continuing dance between intention, acceptance and release.

  8. says

    That’s so interesting about the hip openers releasing negative emotions and stress. As for intentions and not meeting them, I agree with Amanda that you’re tough on yourself! We’re only two weeks in. :) Release is the perfect word- let go of your expectations for perfection. Focus on what you DID do each day. Maybe even write down two or three things before bed that you’re proud of, that you did well, that you did with intention. Love your honest writing, Christine!
    Laura @ Mommy Run Fast recently posted..Marathon day eats and drool-worthy recipesMy Profile

    • admin says

      haha. I guess those two weeks must have really dragged on for me because when I wrote this, if felt like it had been forever! I like the idea of writing down a few things each day that I’m either grateful for or proud of. I think that I will start that tonight.

    • admin says

      I’m glad to know that I’m not alone. I think that I’m trying to get everything into its proper place, reading and writing everything down and get things settled so that I can start when in reality, things will never be 100% settled. I just went to a yoga class today and my teacher reminded me of that. Here’s to shedding a bit of our perfectionist selves?

  9. says

    I’m going to agree with Debbie – it’s being human. I think we all struggle no matter how hard we work on finding balance, calm, peace. Our thoughts get in our own way sometimes. I’ve definitely been going through that right now. I think all you can do is remember all the good things, those little things each day. Don’t think so far ahead but enjoy the moments now. Sounds like you’re probably a bit of a perfectionist so you want to be able to do everything right from the start. It always takes time though. Think about how far you’ve come since your knee issues. It’ll get better, just gotta get out of your head ;-) Hugs.
    Heather (Where’s the Beach) recently posted..Vegetable "Beef" Soup and Way to Go WednesdayMy Profile

    • admin says

      Perfectionist may be a little bit of an understatement :-)

      Honestly, thanks for your kind words Heather. I do think about how far I’ve come since my knee surgery and how patient and accepting I was of that whole process. I think that part of it was that I have been feeling burnt out from being patient for the past year, if that makes sense. Here’s to finding more balance and getting out of our own heads :-)

  10. says

    “I’ve been planning and preparing, reading and plotting, so much so that I think I’ve paralyzed myself”. You said a mouthful!! As I enter into my “pro” phase I hear a lot about “What will you do if you don’t get any more calls/clients?”, and i think a lot about what you just said.

    While I want to be “there” now, I know that’s not feasible. I’m just going to keep on doing what I’ve been doing. Sometimes, I think, when we solidify our intentions in writing we feel so obligated to follow through that we beat ourselves up when we can’t make goals happen; when just living our lives as we do is intent enough.
    Michelle recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Just Dance.My Profile

    • admin says

      Honestly Michelle, you totally inspire me with how you’ve been moving ahead with your photography business – taking the leap of faith to pursue your passion and DOING and acting on things to make it happen. I think that I’m still scared and stuck on the whole leap of faith bit. Oh, and the doing bit :-) But you are absolutely right – living our lives as we do IS intent enough.

  11. says

    LOVE you. Love this post, why? because this is all of us. We all feel what you feel. I adore your screw it attitude and loved seeing your instagram shot of you doing the yoga pose in the gym. What I do to eliminate self defeating thoughts? If it’s a light one like ” I feel fat or ugly” I close my eyes and visualize a broom sweeping it away. Or I talk to it, like I call that voice “The Dark Wizard” then I simply tell the Dark Wizard he’s not allowed to invade my head. For bigger thoughts that I get stuck on, I do need to go for a trail run to clear these thoughts. I have never been on a trail run where God or the Universe, whatever you may believe in, did not speak to me through nature. I might see a certain type of bird, and that bird has characteristics that I have, for example, I saw an owl the other day, the owl can navigate through the darkness. You see where I’m going with this? Another example, I saw a cloud in the shape of half of a heart, because I was in a place of silence, a running meditation, the words that came to me were, ” I am here for you (God), I love you, but I am only half the equation, you must fill in the other part of the heart yourself”. Am I rambling? We really need to go for a run or have a coffee. #BlogSisters
    Lisa @ RunWiki recently posted..Kyle’s Krusade Virtual 5K, 10K and Half MarathonMy Profile

    • admin says

      You are totally not rambling. I love this and love you for your thoughtful words and support. We do need to go for a run and coffee.

  12. says

    Not a hypocrite…just living and being human. We all go through it. Sometimes, we just need to step back, pause, take a reallllly loooong breathe and refocus ourselves so in order to move forward.

    • admin says

      Thanks Kierston. I realized that I hadn’t been pausing and stepping back enough in the last couple of weeks. Trying to remember to do that more.

  13. says

    While I don’t practice yoga or participate in this particular challenge, I find as bloggers we want to show how others can overcome obstacles and difficulties and when we can’t do that we feel like hypocrites and failures. And the truth is, no one is perfect, we all fail at something, we all struggle at something, and I love it when bloggers are honest about what they struggle or fail at because that makes them more human to me.
    Kelly @ Cupcake Kelly’s recently posted..Decorating HelpMy Profile

    • admin says

      I know that as bloggers, there’s often the urge to present a nice, neat, perfect picture of how we are making such great progress on our goals. But you are right. The bloggers that I am drawn to are the ones who show their vulnerability and are honest. We’re all human and we all struggle – thank you for that reminder.

  14. says

    I totally agree with what everyone is saying. when I read this my first thought is you’re human. Bottom line, no matter how good our intentions are, we constantly struggle with the things that make us human.

    We’re not perfect, we’re human. :) You’re doing a fabulous job and just trying to become the best Christine you can be and I love you for the challenges you’re facing.

    You’re not alone, everyday is a new day. You got this!
    Katie @momslrb recently posted..26 Week UpdateMy Profile

    • admin says

      Thank you Katie for this. It really helps to hear so much support from everyone. It’s actually really humbling.

  15. says

    Seriously, those hip poses do me in! I cry in under a minute of being in a hold! I feel like someone is going to come take me away and admit me somewhere with soft, padded walls. I always feel like a million bucks afterwards though. It still amazes me when I think back to hearing a yoga instructor tell me that we hold more in our hips than we do in our backs. My back is always jacked up so I thought she was crazy. After my first frog pose with her, I knew she was right.
    As for your funk, don’t be so hard on yourself. We are like waves ourselves. Sometimes we are calm and smooth and other times we are rough and stormy!
    Kristen recently posted..What Happened To Sportsmanship?My Profile

    • admin says

      Those hip openers are CRAZY sometimes!! But they really are some of my favorites. I think that writing this post helped me to release some of my crazies and some of those expectations.

  16. says

    I LOVE how you’re tackling these emotions head-on vs. bottling them up and pretending they don’t exist. As I sat here reading your post, I thought ‘wow, my hips are SO TIGHT’ maybe I need to release too. In fact,I KNOW I need to. I love the idea of intention and release being your focus this year…I may need to steal that ‘release’ aspect to apply to my own life too. Together we can do this, right??
    Jess recently posted..The simplicity of a workout.My Profile

    • admin says

      Yes, we can do it. I realized that I’m scared of doing, of acting on somethings and it’s because of this negative self-talk in my head that just needs to go away.

      PS I think that you should incorporate some hip openers into your barre class :-)

  17. says

    I try to vocalize my feelings and hopefully someone will help me snap out of the funk I am in. Just venting can be enough sometimes. I just need to remind myself that we are not perfect, we all make mistakes, and it is ok.

    None of us are hypocrites – we all face and deal with challenges.
    AmyC recently posted..Review: FRS Healthy PerformanceMy Profile

    • admin says

      Thanks Amy. I guess that might have been part of my motivation for posting this – to have someone help me snap out of it because clearly I wasn’t able to do it on my own. So thank you for helping me with that. I’m actually really humbled by all the support.

  18. says

    I don’t think you’re a hypocrite, if you are, then I am too, and so are most healthy living bloggers. We aren’t perfect. We want to be, but the whole beauty of being human is that we ARE NOT perfect and that’s okay becuase thanks to that we continue to learn about ourselves, we become stronger, and we learn on our mistakes, know what makes us tick, and how we behave in certain situations. We learn what situation makes us act like this or that and we learn how to deal with it. It’s all a learning process. And that’s the good thing, it proves we are alive. We are living breathing things that soak up information and the BEST thing is that we WANT to be better!

    I tend to exhaust myself mentally sometimes because I put too much on my plate. But it’s okay, we sometimes have to take a step back and see what’s going on and realize that a check list isn’t what we need, what we need is to listen to our body (not those pesky negative thoughts that aren’t really us, it’s just our defense mechanisms) and mind and do what we know will be good for us.

    I didn’t proofread this becuase I’m at work but I hope my comment makes some sense. I tried. lol <3
    Kammie @ Sensual Appeal recently posted..What I Ate: on my Pre-birthday!My Profile

    • admin says

      You’re comment totally makes sense and thank you Kammie for your words. You are absolutely right that we all face challenges but it’s in facing those challenges that we learn and get stronger, right?

  19. says

    You aren’t a hypocrite, you’re human, as other commenters have said! I don’t think anyone has realistically expected you to live a life free of all self-doubt. If you knew how to do that you’d be living on your own island for knowing such a valuable secret :P the first step is recognizing the negative thoughts which you’ve done. Then you can move onto taking action. And by blogging about it, you’ve committed yourself to that action! You know I can totally relate to self doubt. But one day you’ll get to the place you are currently doubting you can get to, and you’ll look back and laugh. Try thinking about a pose you can do today that you COULDN’T do at all a few months ago, and try to translate that to the poses you can’t do today but WILL be able to do in the future.
    Caitlin recently posted..WIAW: The Olden DaysMy Profile

    • admin says

      haha! Wouldn’t it be great to have that secret of living a life free of self-doubt and have our own little island?? Honestly, thank you Cait for your kind words. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember so I appreciate the reminder.

  20. says

    I don’t think you are a hypocrite AT ALL. I think we say / blog about things with the best intentions – but in reality, it would be impossible to follow what we say we will 24/7. The fact that you have realized the self-doubt and other negative feelings and are taking steps to address and get rid of them is what makes you amazing, lovable, and one of my favorite bloggers.
    Michele @ Nycrunningmama recently posted..Runner&#8217;s Wager &#8211; #MilesofShameMy Profile

  21. says

    Talking about treasuring life on your blog and struggling to always do it in real life is not being a hypocrite…it’s being human. Perhaps you’ve put too much pressure on yourself. You’re working on improving yourself, and that can never be bad.
    Leslie recently posted..{Weigh In Wednesday} Week 2My Profile

    • admin says

      Thanks Melissa for the suggestion. I have just started using some positive affirmations and it’s super helpful like you said.

  22. says

    This rings SO true for me. I am brutal on myself…I honestly stress myself out so much just with my own negative thoughts that I literally get sick sometimes. This is really something I need to work on, which I’ve known for a long time, of course. But it’s time to really do it. I can’t control the stressors around me, but I sure can make a change within myself so that my reactions don’t bring me down even further. Thanks for such an inspiring post!
    Kristin recently posted..Who do they think I am? The Bloggess?My Profile

    • admin says

      Thanks Kristin. I’ve definitely let my stress and negative thoughts make me physically sick before and it’s no fun! I’m working really hard on my reactions i.e. not overreacting to every little thing. It’s hard but it’s a change that I know that I need if not just for my health! Here’s to saying goodbye to negative thoughts.

  23. says

    Again, it happens. Funks happen and we bounce back. Last week I only ran 14 miles…. total. Just couldn’t get myself out there. After today’s run I’ll be close to 28 miles for the week. Yep, I will have doubled the previous week in 4 days. Lulls happen. Some longer than others. It might be a couple days, it might be a month. But it is coming out of them that makes us stronger. It is finding a way to remember what got you where you were. The strength. The commitment. The joy you feel when you run that mile or nail that pose.

    Never doubt. You’ve done it before and will do it again, when you are ready.
    Pavement Runner recently posted..Playlist Thursday: Dance, cuz he’s backMy Profile

  24. says

    What a great post. I think many of the previous comments stated it well already, you’re not being a hypocrite, you’re being human. There is much to be said that you’re thinking these things through, putting words to them, and not just letting this keep you in your funk.

    I’d never heard that the hip is where we hold so much. I dealt with everything on your list of fears & negativity, and go figure, my hips were the biggest physical manifestation of all that.

    Thanks for sharing and making me feel like a more normal person as well :)
    Melissa @ Melissa Running It recently posted..Wednesday Warm UpMy Profile

    • admin says

      This post had been stewing in my head for a few days but sitting down and putting my thoughts into words helped tremendously. I can definitely feel it when things start building up because my hips get crazy tight!

  25. says

    We’re all a little full of sh** sometimes, but that’s just the process of improvement. You can’t go from where you are to where you want to be in one, clean shot. You have to stumble a little bit, endure the ebbs and flows of it all, that’s just progress. Not quitting is the key.

    I’m trying to give up unnecessary worrying this year. I find myself yelling, “STOP!” in my head when I start to run movies about how small things in my life will grow into catastrophes.

    Thinking is the death of action. The two most dangerous sentences to forward progress are:

    “Do I want to….”
    “Do I feel like….”

    The answer is always no. Just. Do. It.
    Jonathan Aluzas recently posted..Fitness Formula: 3 Critical Steps for a Healthy 2013My Profile

    • admin says

      You’re so right. Thinking can be the death of action. I’m really good about it in certain aspects of my life (like just go and workout and not think too much about it) but struggle in other areas, especially when it involves something scary or a leap of faith. But maybe in those instances it’s not, like you said, a single action that gets me THERE but a series of smaller actions, continual forward movement towards the goal.

  26. says

    I don’t think you’re a hypocrite at all, I think you’re too hard on yourself. We are 17 days into 2013, you can’t expect such things to happen quickly or immediately, but you can always try. My husband told me earlier this week something along the lines of ‘If all I can do is try today, then that’s better than not trying at all.’ He was referring to going to work in freezing temperatures, trying to landscape a client’s yard. He tried and succeeded that day. If you can’t quickly achieve, at least try, or have that as an intention.

    Do you know how you’re going to work towards this release? You can’t really beat yourself up about it if you don’t know the path in which you’ll take. Once you do, it’s just about trying, and moving forward, right?

    Maybe you should get Perspective tattooed on your wrist like me….. ;)

    Good luck and think positively!

    • admin says

      Your husband is a smart man. Yes, just try. But you’re also right in that I need to figure out how I’m going to work towards release.

  27. says

    Friend, I love this post and its honesty. I think we ALL fall into the self-defeating talk at some point or another, it’s pulling yourself out of it that is the difference. RELEASING those thoughts from your mind. And I think it is the perfect second word for you this year. You can do this. We know you are amazing, we have faith and believe. Believe in yourself too!! XOXO
    jobo recently posted..An update and tidbits.My Profile

    • admin says

      Thank YOU for your faith and belief in me. Seriously, it means a lot. Honestly, I think that I needed to stop and just write this post because these thoughts had been swirling in my head for a few days. Getting the words out has been a huge help in releasing some of those thoughts.

  28. says

    You are human… We all go through funks of one kind or another..,
    My advice … Don’t sweat the small stuff.. Dont be to hard on yourself..Everyday is a new day… Keep it simple and be true to yourself..,
    It is all anyone can ask for!
    Michelle recently posted..Feeling Pretty Awesome!!!My Profile

    • admin says

      Thank you Michelle for your kind words. Every day is a new day. It’s hard to remember that sometimes but I am grateful for each and every day.

  29. says

    oh my gosh, NOT a hypocrite at all! I know we all struggle with some form of negative self dialogue and it helps so much to read about it in others, because it reminds us that we are normal and many people struggle with the same thing. Thanks for sharing. :)
    Lea recently posted..I’m Afraid to Post this BlogMy Profile

  30. says

    When I used to work with undergrads, I had a cartoon on my door that said “the surefire way to postpone the completion of your thesis: read another book.”

    At some point, I guess we all have to stop reading. And cover our ears, and close our eyes, and jump.

    Found you over at Ilene’s … I’ll be back. :)

    • admin says

      So so true Justine. We do just have to jump and stop listening to the chorus of voices in the background. Thank you for visiting and I’m so excited to have found your through Ilene too!

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